the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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