Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
