I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize