wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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