The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
