i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
