i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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