I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
