I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
