take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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