I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
