i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
honey bunches of taint.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
