When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
