The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
