I am puke
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
