bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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