I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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