I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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