i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
