I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize