First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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