its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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