jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
