M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
