If i come over, it means nothing
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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