Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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