Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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