yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
