We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
