If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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