Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
