69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
