U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
