just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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