I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
