how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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