I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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