I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
