Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize