She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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