Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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