i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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