Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
