i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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