so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
