we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They have beer where we have blood.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
