literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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