You're my little dorito
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
