You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
