I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
