As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
