Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
