I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
