The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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