I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
