saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
