So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
