it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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