How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
