with your own penis?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
