I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize