I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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