that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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