Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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