It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
