how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
