he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want her autograph on my taint
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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