I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
