So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
