I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
