Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize