Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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