and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
