Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
