girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize