One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
