I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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