I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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