You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
