woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
